Alice in Germany

Like Heidi coming from the mountains to visit poorly cousin Clara I too, descended from a feeble village (although a little more vertically challenged) into the ‘alpha world city’ of Frankfurt.

The highlight of the train trip was the Rhein: one of the great rivers of Europe, so much history, so many castles, if I could see the things it’s seen….

“Ein sehr famous Fluss” I espoused dreamily, and no doubt grammatically incorrectly, to the Frau next to me.
She said “Ja” and smiled proudly (although a minute earlier when I asked to confirm that it was indeed the great river she could not remember).

But dear reader quite frankly after two and a half hours I was sick of the sight of it.

Frankfurt

Frankfurt, doing its best to cling to winter, snowed all day.

This did not stop people rushing around everywhere, throwing themselves in front of oncoming traffic in a most suicidal fashion. Eventually I could take this disrespect for traffic laws no longer and stepped in front of the pedestrian crossing:
“Slow – down – people” I yelled, both arms outstretched “the light is red! That is R-E-D red (or ‘rot’ if you prefer)”. But they continued to swarm past me.

Sadly I shook my head; with no cars in sight pedestrians waited deferentially for the green man in Kirchenstadt. How long would it take me to readjust to the big smoke?

The bank

I had done my homework, I had studied the organisation, read up on interview questions, learnt some helpful tips such as: be yourself (remove steel rod and smile), look the part (buy suit), and when asked ‘tell me a bit about yourself dear’ rambling on about favourite foods and pets names is not appropriate - better to stick to education and employment history.

‘I am early and need to go to the toilet’ I informed the ladies at reception.
‘Ok, just fill out these forms first and we will let Ms Smith know you have arrived, when the other candidates arrived early she came early to meet them’.
‘Other candidates’ I gulped – I had hoped they were all shacked up in a hospital somewhere with bird flu.
‘Ok you wanted to go to the toilet?’
‘No actually I’ll go later - I just wanted to confirm that should I require the use of a toilet it would be there’.
‘Hmm’

Time ran away from me in the initial ½ hour English test. Had I checked the time when I began this might have helped. Before I knew it Ms Smith was knocking on the door.
‘Oh, is that half an hour already’ I gushed at her sober face. ‘It took me a little while to readjust to the English keyboard’. All to aware how grossly inadequate this excuse was and wishing I had kept my mouth shut.

There was a slight awkwardness in the interview when it became apparent I was not applying for the position I thought I was. The agency had informed me that it was a library assistant position, so when the interviewers spoke at length about HR I was slightly confused and found myself gulping fish like when they asked the inevitable: ‘so .. what attracted you to the position?’

But overall all my extensive preparation ensured the interview was a success.

The aftermath

When I found myself once again in the foyer I was so relieved it was over I walked straight up to the women in their classic navy and white seated behind the reception, forgetting I was probably now known as ‘the toilet lady’:
“WELL I am glad that is over!” I plonked my little black bag on their desk and unclipped my ‘visitors pass’. They glanced curiously at me. “Interview went well” I waved my hands around “but I think I stuffed up the English test (bla bla bla)”.

“Well um” she stammered, glancing at her co-worker, “have a nice weekend Madam”.

I almost laughed as I waltzed out. It is as I suspected nothing ruffles the German professionalism.

Miraculously I begin work on Monday at a big bank in Frankfurt.